blue-blue me

i was SMS-ing yuvz today n she helped me nail down the exact term as to wat shan was to me. probably he WAS my sound board. n nw since we're no longer togeder, i guess maybe thats y i feel so lost coz i think dat maybe my fwenz x be interested in my probs and x spend time listening to me.don't get me wrong, i did love him, but he was also a fwen. c wat happens wen u go beyond ur better judgements and date ur fwen?? sum fwenz dont show any reactions when i start to say nethin bout my break-up, they listen and then talk bout sum other stuff ( i am very good at taking hints; so i shall bother u no more) n im like HELLOOO!! din i just attempt to pour my feelings out??~lets put them aside~

then there are the other group of caring fwens, who check on me to c hw im doin. but the thing is, when i hear their voice, hear them trying to soothe me, my voice cracks. how do i wish i wasn't sensitive and emotional. it just amazes me to c how some ppl can break up one day and then d nex minute they are gettin ready 4 another date. if only i cud do dat, der wudn't be a need 4 this pathetic post. but hey, thats wat i am now, at least i feel dat way.

i x feel lik talking to my caring fwenz bout my prob coz im just scared they might eventually get sick of it. yea... they x say it to me but that is bound to happen its only natural. the diff between shan(wen v were fwenz) and them is dat he loved me then so no matter hw annoying a fwen i was he was still thr..but that doesnt apply to other fwenz does it? i x want my caring fwenz running away wen they c me or act in a i'm-not-bothered way ....n now im confused if shan really was a fwen to start with or it was just a miserable ~girl-getting ~scheme..which i fell for...haiz..bodohnye aku..n thr are ppl hu think I am smart!