Like seriously?!

I'm a thinker. I guess I've always been. I micro analyze everything whether its boys or toys. And very so often i find my self not living the moment but contemplating the future that will be shaped by the choices i make today.

I Always thought that when you're meant to be with someone, the first time you meet them, its gonna be magic. Then it progresses. But really, there's no evidence for this (besides the media). Think about it, does everyone feel magic when they meet the person that, leave alone getting married, they wanna date? No they probably don't. But still, we. I. don't progress with people coz it just doesn't feel right. So much so that i'm unclear of whether the prob's in me or them.

I guess my real prob is the dating system here. We don't date, get to know and THEN fall in love. It happens backwards. And i x like that. How do you fall for someone without knowing them?? If i wanna get to know them and don't like what i find out, it's my fault as well. Like seriously!! WTH? If i just date without actually being in love, I'm perceived as cheap. Or worst, the guy thinks i'm playing him out. I don't get them to buy me dinners or expensive gifts coz I am in fact truly financially independant . But still i guess some people might think it's wrong.

at the end of the day I just wanna have fun and seriously i don't give a shit anymore. If that makes me cheap. Then maybe i am. So...?